I’ve designed a great experiment
And collected all my data.
I’ve no idea what it all means
I’ll get to that stuff later.
I’ve forgotten all the stats I learned, And I never learned that much. I needed it to pass my comps But since then I’ve lost touch.
I’ll do another lit review
And find another theory,
But when it’s time to analyze,
Everything goes bleary.
So I hired a consultant To tell me what I’d got He looked at three years of my life And answered “Not a lot”.
“There is no dissertation here,
There aren’t any theses
Basically what you have got
Is a great big pile of feces!”
“You should have called me years ago
Now get this through your head:
You’ve hired a physician
But the patient is quite dead”.
I specialize in helping graduate students and researchers in psychology, education, economics and the social sciences with all aspects of statistical analysis. Many new and relatively uncommon statistical techniques are available, and these may widen the field of hypotheses you can investigate. Graphical techniques are often misapplied, but, done correctly, they can summarize a great deal of information in a single figure. I can help with writing papers, writing grant applications, and doing analysis for grants and research.
Specialties: Regression, logistic regression, cluster analysis, statistical graphics, quantile regression.