I’ve designed a great experiment
And collected all my data.
I’ve no idea what it all means
I’ll get to that stuff later.

I’ve forgotten all the stats I learned, And I never learned that much. I needed it to pass my comps But since then I’ve lost touch.

I’ll do another lit review
And find another theory,
But when it’s time to analyze,
Everything goes bleary.

So I hired a consultant To tell me what I’d got He looked at three years of my life And answered “Not a lot”.

“There is no dissertation here,
There aren’t any theses
Basically what you have got
Is a great big pile of feces!”

“You should have called me years ago
Now get this through your head:
You’ve hired a physician
But the patient is quite dead”.